..Confused

Only two posibilities.. I'm so attractive or am so strange!!

I can hear someone asking two posibilties for wat??

Well I meant that these r the only posibilities why people always look at me.. My friends tell me both, but new friends tell me am that attractive..

Dnt think so.. Am not that handsome ( Regardless wat all tell me).

Is it the carisma?! The general layout of me?!

Anyway I'm glad of that.. coz that means am a friendly nice person.. Dat's why I oftenhave new friends.

But being in a place with all these eyes on you is also a curse..

I never be alone with myself except here in my " Sawma3a" behind the theatre of this fuckin' college..

Here I find me.. I sit with my dearest friends.. My pen, My note book & my songs.

Here I feel that the world is mine.. I feel that I can fly.. Also I feel that am nthn but a piece of shit on the pavement that no one even cares to look at!!

Yes, I can see the contradiction.. The opposition.. But all of this inside me..

Hey! Why was that one lookin' at me??! YADY EL NELA.. have a rest yabny.. stop thinking.. stop caring about those who look at u.. Yes u r not as all people.. For some u r more than wonderfull, for some u r less than some saliva on the floor!!

5alek hna.. Ma3 " Your best friends"..

Aw 2a2ollak.. 2e2fl el kashkol w kammel el habl bta3 el 7aya ely e7na 3ayshnha..

3abth.. 3abth.. 3abth!!!

                                                                                                         Done.

                                           So shit...

Scream

Scream.. As I scream I feel I need to scream more and more.. All these people around me and I feel so lonely!!!

Why dont u all hear all these screams??.. u r supposed to be around me but I feel as if u r all deaf.

Or do u pretend not to hear all this??

Am I going insane?? Arent we all mad with different levels??

Thn am already a psycho.. what's new??

     What the fuck are u writing?!

         I dnt know but that's my brain storming.

    Thn screw you and your sick brain.

       Alright you said it ya .....   " Faks".

Faks lkol el donya.. As I used to say it..

                          " A BIG TAF "

Again I feel so lonely.. some times I feel as if this is a big play with one hero & one fool.. both are me.

I think.. What if all these people are jst acting to b wat they r?!

No, I'm thinking like this long before I watch that movie u dnt remember its name..

BTW it was " Truman show ".

What if my mother.. my brothers.. my friends.. my beloved.. even people I dnt no are jst acting to be??

This car behind that wall jst passed there coz I'm meant to hear its sound.. ( Wait am gonna look at it)..

Yes, it looks normal but who said that this is not a fake normal.. All as the writer meant it to be.

You know wat.. I believe that " There is no coincidence.. Only the illusion of coincidence"..

You know why.. Coz u dnt see the rest of the figure.. Only the writer does.

What about these disputes between me and her.. Are they also part of the play?? Does she really love me?? or also acting to be?! Is it all part of her character in the play?

Oh! I feel so lost.. As if am in a rowing boat in the middle of the biggest ocean in the world.

Again I say it.. It's like am drowning, in the deepest sea.. I need u around me.. Coz u r my Oxygen.

Fag2a am in a different place.. Different people.. but still lonely.. I'm sitting here on the side of the road watching this big trash can.. and writing this.

Also waiting.. people look at me as if am an oager..

What r u looking at idiots?!!!

A big place with different kinds of people reminding me with my salad plate.

We live a big lie!!

W8 w8.. Do I look that strange?

Lots of questions this time.. Hope that I ever find answers.. What do u think??

    Jst shit... poo-huuu.

                                                                                                                       Done.

                                                      To b continued..

51001 (kitchen machine)

Waiting.. nothing to b done.. fuckin’ college.

He’s supposed to be here from… ( let me see) .. well I don’t know but it’s 1: 54 now

Bored bored bored.. I wanna puke

Every time I think of it I do.

They say music can alter moods & talk to u, well can it load a gun for you?? And cock it too?? I wanna cock it really.

If I find a gun on the ground, I’ll pop it to the fuckin head of all of them

As he said “ Fuck all”..

Whatever.. it wont differ..

Really wanting thing doesn’t mean that I’ll do it.. jst sing with me, sing for the moment

I know it’s so scary to think like tht but what can I do? I cant prevent me from thinking

I jst let my emotions go.. here where no one knows wat’s going on

It’s jst me by myself with my headphones blaring.. I don’t know even if that’s right..

It’s a systemized chaos.. we all live in a kitchen machine with no one there to stop it.. It seems to have unlimited power, what’s that infinite electricity supply.. will it end??

Sure it will, but I hope to get out of it in a good condition.. I hope not to b thrown in a trash can undone.

I’m really done :S.. hate me, hate my life

But love u lord.. hope u do.. hope am not lying on me also.

Yes I know am a child of problems.. but the beeb goes on da dum dum da da dum..

Hey… but hold ur nose coz here goes the cold water..

It’s like am drowning in the deepest sea.. the worst feeling is feeling that you r the enemy of urself.. evil wthin.. cheers to the devil.

Oh lord! Plz help me.. am crying now.. crying inside.. some times hiding ur feelings is the right choice..

But I cant bear it anymore.. like am carrying the heaviest weight in the whole universe up on my shoulders.. hope I throw it away but I’m stuck…

                                                                                                                         Done.

                                                       Is that a confession???