Call it a suicide

I called him.. didnt know why him.. may b coz he's the nearest.. may b coz he's the most understanding person.. lots of possibilities but a fact stays a fact.. I called him and no one but him..

I heard his sleeping voice mixed with some soft music from the background saying, " Hello?"
I was crying.. I said, " I want to see u.. meet me at the high way next to ur house".. I heard him saying, " Hey.. what's up??" jst as I hanged up...

I got up.. wrote an " I love u mom.. sry for letting u down" msg, put if next to her bed while she was sleeping like angels, kissed her forehead & thn got down after dressing up quickly and quietly.. I was on my way to his house crying all the time, ignoring his calls.. jst thinking of what would happen.. hoping it happens quickly..

Arriving there, I found him waiting as if on fire.. As he saw me he ran to where I stood. "what's wrong??", so worried he asked.. I jst looked at him, cried harder & without a word I put myself in his arms sobbing.. I looked up at him after staying like this for two complete minutes without answering his question, without even saying one word..
I said "Jst forgive me for anything I did wrong to u.. I truly love u.. tell mom that I've always loved her.. But unfortunately I wasnt so much understandable for her her lately.. I will miss u"..
He said " Where are you going??"

I didnt answer.. I looked back.. took a step with which I became jst in front of the fast coming car.. closed my eyes hearing the scream of the tires begging the car to stop.. felt the impulse thn the collision as I fell to the ground rolling with some bones broken.. Imagined him as he ran to me unbelieving this happened so quickly that he couldn't even move.. I heard him calling my name as I fell unconscious..

I opened my eyes to find myself in hospital with a lot of Screaming-while-running doctors.. looked towards him as he stood behind the glass of the door leading to the (ICU) -the thing I realized from the sign on the door-.. he was crying for me unbelieving this could be..


I looked again at the chaos around me.. said" It's useless idiots" & closed my eyes.. Forever this time...

Ibraheem A. Harak